The Truth About Women & Their 30's (Ep 21)

Are women really racing against their biological clock, or are they racing against society's expectations?

In this episode of Thriving Loudly, we're having one of the most honest conversations women in their 30s can have. From career ambitions and entrepreneurship to dating, motherhood, fertility, and the pressure to "have it all," we unpack the questions so many women are thinking, but few are willing to say out loud.

This isn't about telling women they should or shouldn't have children. It's about exploring the realities of biology alongside the expectations society places on women, and asking whether fulfillment has to follow a traditional timeline.

In this episode we discuss:

The truth about the biological clock
Career vs. motherhood
Waiting for the right partner
Financial readiness and raising children
Egg freezing and fertility choices
Dating in your 30s
Why women are delaying motherhood
Social media's influence on life timelines
Breaking generational expectations
Defining success beyond marriage and children

Whether you're a woman navigating your 30s, questioning your timeline, focused on your career, hoping to become a mother someday, or simply trying to live life on your own terms, this conversation is for you.

💬 Join the conversation:
Do you think women are racing against biology—or are we racing against society's expectations? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:06

Welcome back to another episode of Thriving Loudly, the podcast where we have the conversations that challenge perspectives, encourage growth, and remind you that you don't have to dim your light to thrive. Yes. My name is Tranice.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I'm your host. And I'm Aisha. Yes. And together, again, we're Thriving Loudly. So whether you're building your career, healing, navigating relationships, or simply figuring out one day at a time, this is a space where we keep it real, have honest conversations, and truly grow together. Today's conversation is one that sparks opinions almost every time it comes up. I know, especially for me, you know, when we talk about women's biological clock and choices, um, we're both in our 30s. Neither of us have children. Um, and we've experienced questions, you know, assumptions, and pressure that often comes with, you know, comes with it when you're really over the age of 30. So this episode isn't telling women that they should or shouldn't have children. It's having an honest conversation about biology, personal choice, dating, careers, and expectations society placed on women.

SPEAKER_03 1:28

Okay. So the question is are women really racing against biology, or are we racing against society's timeline? That's deep. Because I know it's it can it can get tough, especially as you get older, if you're single, or even if you're in a relationship but you you don't have kids yet. I think a lot of people start to ask that, um, especially as you enter into your 30s, or you know, you've been dating someone for a while, and people are like, So what's next? What are you guys gonna do next? So I know I do hear that too. So is the biological clock real or is society louder? So let's dive into this, Trineice. What are your thoughts so far?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Well, I definitely think that it is real for women and for men too, actually. Um, but I do think that society does put a lot of pressure on us. I think we're seeing now that um more women than ever are having children, you know, later in their 30s and their 40s, and even I've seen 50s.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

So it is possible. Um, but I think that we have been told that, you know, our eggs expire. Once you get, you know, 30, it's like, okay, now you have to start looking at it's time to have kids, you know. And if you're over 30 now, or you're over 35, now you're kind of diving into geriatric pregnancy, yeah. You know, versus just having a healthy pregnancy.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

So I think some of those pressures is what make women feel like they're on a biological clock and they have to, you know, have children. Like it's like after you hit 30, you must have children, you know, right away. And I just don't think that that's true anymore.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

I don't. I think, you know, society has changed a lot over the last like probably 20 to 30 years. You know, more women are, you know, kind of prioritizing themselves. They want to go to school, they want to, you know, better themselves, you know, with education or just in even in their career. Um, you know, I think it's, you know, so important. I think really the girl boss era really kind of ignited that for women, especially like in the early 2010s when it was like hardcore girl boss. Like people are like, okay, like, you know, women, we can be entrepreneurs too. We can start businesses, we can do all these things. And I think that really ignited kind of like a shift. Um, because I know a lot of people, even just right now, I can name like five people, six people I know who are having kids in their 30s, like women, girls I know, you know, friends, you know, acquaintances, just popping out babies, you know, in their like in their mid-30s. Um, so it's really interesting that, you know, back I would say like when my mom, you know, had me, she was like in her early 20s, and that was kind of like normal, right? Like all her friends were having kids, like 18 to 22, 23, 24. And now I don't really see that as much. Like I don't, you know, my sister, she's in her 20s, and like that's like not even a thought that crosses her head. She's like, no, like I'm still trying to live my life and figure me out, right? Um, so I think that's a a big difference. And I and I really don't think there's that pressure anymore. I do know by all biologically it's difficult. It could be difficult, but also, like I said, I know women who are just they're not really having issues, just having kids, you know. But I think it also depends on how you maybe take care of yourself, how you're prioritizing your health if you are trying and you know, wanting to start a family. I think that has to do a lot with it as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Absolutely. I just my mom actually just sent me this um because we were talking, she just came to visit me like a week ago.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

And we were talking about kids and stuff, and I was just kind of explaining to her, like, oh, I thought, you know, I would be having kids by now, and you know, I don't. But she sent me um this study that she saw on Facebook where we're saying like nearly half of women that um are around the age of 30 are childless now. Like this was a new study that came out in 2026. And they're saying that the reason is is because um a lot of women have not found the right partner and they just don't want to raise children alone.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Or either it's just that they just can't afford it just because of the economy and the way that things are going.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids are a big expense. I don't know who I was talking to recently, but they were telling me um that their childcare is like close to like, I think it's like two, three hundred a week. Like if it's like a thousand a month, you know, for like that's like one child. Yeah, like we're not even including multiple or finding like a reliable sitter, you know, if you still, you know, decide to have a career. Oh, I think it was my last lady who was telling me her like childcare. And she was just like, yeah, you know, it's easily $200 a week. A week, yeah. It's yeah, it's getting into that four-figure range. And you know, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

That's it is expensive. And then okay, you say, okay, well, I'm not gonna do that. I get a babysitter. Well, nowadays, you know, babysitters want to be paid good as well, you know, because this is their livelihood. And so it's like, no matter which way you go, it's still expensive and it's exactly an additional expense that you really have to consider, you know. And I think that's why a lot of women now are kind of taking their time to have children.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Oh, yeah, I agree. Yeah. Cause I mean, honestly, yeah, in this day and age, it's like to have that responsibility and you know, the economy, how just even groceries are so expensive. Oh my goodness. Like, I went to just like buy stuff for one meal and I walked out paying like $60, $70. I'm like, what for all these ingredients? I'm like, are you kidding me? This is just like one meal.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

It's insane. It is insane. Groceries is just like through the roof. Yeah. And imagine I just went grocery shopping on Sunday and I'm just I'm I'm at fries because typically I go to sprouts, but I was like, we're gonna have to cut down on sprouts and go to fries. And I'm still looking at the receipt at fries and like, are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_03 7:29

Yeah, it's expensive. And imagine having a family, exactly a family of four, you know, family of people having three, four, five kids. You know, it's like I'm like, how do they do it?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

It's crazy. Do you feel like social media amplifies the pressure?

SPEAKER_03 7:48

I don't honestly think it does. I think honestly, at least, but I feel like it's algorithm specific, right? You know, we're in this day day and age of algorithms. Like what I see, you don't probably see on your algorithms. So, like, I don't really see the pressure on my algorithm. I'm seeing like women in their 30s like living their best life, having fun, going to festivals, doing them. Like, I'm not really seeing too much, like, oh, you're you're expiring, you're, you know, everything's like life is ending after 30, or you know, wait until you're 40. Like, I'm not seeing a lot of that fear-mongering because I don't consume that content. So I think it's also a little bit of how people consume their content and what reality they're living in. Like, I choose not to live in a reality where it's like doom and gloom and you know, fear. Um, but you know, I I can see there being that side to it though. I can definitely see those conversations being had. Um, but I think it's something that if that is a goal for a woman, if that's something that you want, it's, you know, and you're in your 30s and you're like, okay, well, I do want to have children, like, do want to make this happen. I think it's kind of looking at how you're prioritizing that goal to make it happen. Um, but you know, that there's layers to it, right? Some women are okay with, you know, adopting or being a single mom or, you know, whatever situation that's that they want, right? Other women, they're like, okay, I don't want to raise a child alone, like to your point. And so how are you prioritizing finding the right partner, right? And and and making that happen for yourself. So I think it is figuring out what your goals are and kind of setting an intention on how to make that happen for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah, I agree. Um, just kind of going back to social media, yeah, you're right. Our timelines, our algorithm is a lot different for me, just because I'm always looking at families and stuff. So that's what always comes up for me. I'm seeing people getting engaged, getting married, you know, as like family-centric. Um, so I think that that's why it's always top of mind for me, you know, and something that I look at on a regular basis. But in terms of pressure, I don't really feel pressured because I also see um a lot of women in their in their 30s, you know, talking about I just got pregnant or I just had a baby, or, you know, I've seen women in their 40s, like, it's possible, you know, we did it naturally and it all worked out. So yeah, I don't think from my standpoint, I don't feel like social media pressures me to feel like I need to have a child tomorrow. Um, it does give me aspiration, you know, to continue to want that dream, but I don't think pressure.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah, no, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

I uh I I totally agree with that. Um did you always picture yourself having children by this age? No, I actually want to have children.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

I actually was at a point um in my life, I would say just growing up, I think it just kind of started like these thoughts as a teenager. I think I was at a point to where I was like, I don't want kids. Like I'm like, I don't, that's not for me. Like, I don't want that. But I think I also come from the guise of being like the oldest in my family. I'm the oldest. I've six, I've not six siblings. I there's a total of six of us. So I have five siblings, um, three brothers, two sisters. Um, and then my younger siblings, there's such a big age gap. Like my youngest sister, we're nine years apart. Okay. Um, so that was definitely different. And then my um two younger brothers, it's like 13 years apart, and I believe 17 years apart. So yeah, imagine, you know, having such young siblings. Like, yeah, they're like 18, 19, like literally early 20s. Yeah. So it's a big issue. Yeah, it could be, right? Um, yeah, that's that's the wild part about it. So yeah, I think for myself, um growing up being the oldest, I think I had a different outlook on kids. But I also think there could be some layers of trauma. And I think this comes from even like my mother um feeling like she felt unfulfilled. Like there was a lot of comments she made growing up saying, you know, oh, I wish I could have done this differently. I wish I could have waited. I wish I could have done this. And I think as a young kid, seeing how unfulfilled my mom was, it kind of gave me this negative outlook on children, right? Like being like, oh, like this is something that can ruin your life. This is something that's like, you know, she's miserable. Like, I don't want to be miserable type thing. Um, and not to get too deep here, but um, I would say that really okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

We're having real conversations.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Yeah. But yeah, I think that just really shaped my perspective. And then as my mom was working, like she would, you know, have me watch my siblings. And I'm like, oh, like I don't know. I just was like, I don't like this, you know. So I think there was a lot going on to where I felt that way. Okay. As I got older and entered my 30s, though, I was like, you know, if I find the right person and I feel settled in life, like I'm just at the point now where it's like, if it's meant to be for me and if it happens, it happens. I don't have a timeline for it. I don't have a goal to have children. I'm just like, if that is part of where who I'm supposed to be, it will happen. Yeah. Um, so that's where I'm at. Like, I've never had the desire to be a mother, right? I've never had the desire, like, I want to white picket fence and a family and uh three kids, two girls, one boy. You know, a lot of women get deep with that. Like I've talked to women. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

You and others, I could paint the whole picture for you.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

Exactly. And some women are like that. I just never was, and I never knew knew how to relate to certain women who were like, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Like that's what I wanted. You know, that's what I knew. And so that's kind of something I've been trying to dive deep in and like figure out for myself. Yeah. Um, but I think a lot of it had to do with like that childhood trauma and having a mother who was unfulfilled. And I think because she was unfulfilled, I think I've really prided, prided myself to be like, I want to fulfill everything in my life. I want to have fun, I want to travel, I want to do all those things. And like, if that is part of my story, it's gonna, it's gonna come when it's time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Um, for me, it's always been a dream. Yeah. I've wanted to get married my whole life, have kids, um, especially when I was in my relationship in my 20s. You know, that was a dream, right? So I was in a relationship for seven years with the intent of getting married, having kids. So it's always very much um been on my mind, you know. And I did I did have a couple pregnancies as well. Um, so it's something that could have happened, but you know, it just wasn't time at that time.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

But absolutely, it's my dream. Um, it comes back to finding the right partner. I'm not willing to just have a child just for the sake of having it. Um, I've also read online that some people are just like partnering up with people just as co-parents, and they're going into a contract and having a baby that way. Yeah. Or they're getting a surrogate or they're adopted and things like that. I feel like me personally, I want it to just happen naturally. Like if I'm in love, you know, I get married or you know, I'm in a relationship, and then we just happen to have a child, we happen to have a child. But I don't want to go out my way to make it happen because, in my opinion, I just feel like then it's not meant to be. You know, if you have to go through all these things, if you have to go through IVF and do all these rounds or, you know, adopt and all and all those things, I just feel like is it truly meant for me to have this child? You know, maybe God is sending me in a different direction. So that's kind of my take on it.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

So you would never consider any of that if you're like, let's say you got to a point where you're like in your 40s and you're just like, I really want a child, you would never do the IVF, or like if you had a partner and you guys were trying and trying, those wouldn't be things you would consider at all.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

If he really wanted a child, like Trinice, I I really want a child, then I would. Okay. Um, but just me, myself, and if he's like, if it happens, like kind of like me, like if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm okay with that too. Then I would not push it. Okay. Because I'm very big on like kind of what you said. I'm very big on everything happens for a reason. Yeah. You know, and so why is it taking me so long to get pregnant? You know, is it truly meant for me to have a child? And so that's where I weigh into praying, spirituality, you know, and let God kind of define that for me. So I love it. I know that's a different take. Yeah. You know, a lot of people may say, Oh, I'm never, I would never do that.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

But yeah, I mean, it's your it's your truth. You're living your truth in what feels right for you. And, you know, there are women who are just like they really want a child and they're just going through that IVF and they're going through all of those things to make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

I know. Um and I've seen both sides of it. You know, it's like you're doing all those rounds, you're stressing your body out, you're taking these shots, and then some women they end up having the baby, some women they don't, and then they're, you know, going through a depression. And I just don't want to put myself through that. And I don't want to be injecting myself for the sake of having a child. You know, I just feel like it becomes artificial at some point. You know, we're messing with God's timeline almost, you know.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Yeah, no, I agree. I agree with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

So for me, in terms of the timeline, I always thought that I would have children in my 20s. Um, so now I'm like, okay, 30s is still possible. You know, I'll be 35. I'm like, okay, I just saw something pop up on my timeline. This lady, um, she had a baby at 30, was 38, I think I saw. So I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

I like that. And yeah, I think, you know, if if it's meant to happen, it will happen for you, right? And you know, like I said, you're still young, but like people have kids up into their 40s. So it's like you just never know, you know. So I think just keep doing your thing and meet the right person. And I mean, that's the you know, that the timeline or the path you want to go, meet your person, do all those things, then that's that's your truth, right? That's there's nothing wrong with that, you know. It's nothing wrong with doing that. Yeah. Um, I agree. Do you think turning 30 is really a biological deadline? I know we just kind of talked about it, or is it a social one? I kind of feel like that mindset is very outdated. I feel like that's something people maybe would have said in like twenty years ago or in the 90s, or you know, like like 30 years ago, but I feel like 30 is just like women are just now getting started, right? Like I feel like we're such in a different age now that people are just kind of getting going, right? And so I don't really think it is. I think it's a very outdated mindset. Um, but I know if someone's like heavily traditional, like maybe they think that is still a thing. But I feel like may maybe very we're in more modern times to where it's like 30, you're not really uh expired, right? As a woman, I feel like it's very outdated. What's your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yeah, I feel it's outdated as well. Um just with how the economy is nowadays and people are not getting married like they used to. You know, the the times are different. A lot of people got married back in the days really was kind of like a safety net, you know. And now with women working and being independent, we don't have to get married as fast as we would have, you know, 50, 60 years ago, you know, because it's like, okay, I'm gonna get married and have this family, you know, so that I could be able to survive and, you know, have a husband and do all these um traditional things. But now where we are today, um, that's not necessarily the landscape anymore. And I think it is because more women are being empowered and we're making our own money that, you know, we're taking our time now and we're being selective. You know, it's not just, hey, I met Joe yesterday and Joe's like, I want to have a family. It's like, okay, let's go have a family. You know, now it's like Joe, okay, tell me a little bit more about you, Joe. What do you do? You know, like we have to get to know each other um before we just jump in and have a family. So I definitely think, yeah, it's a different, it's a different age.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Yeah. And I think also, too, uh, I mean, I I even know just like a lot of people, even up into my like late 20s, like I had like a roommate, like, you know, just because things are so expensive nowadays to where it's like you're having roommates, you're like living still with your family. Like I know I was living with my grandparents up until my late 20s, you know, just because it's just was financially just where I was at, right? And so I even see that more like, you know, people are just kind of, you know, back, you know, maybe in the 90s and you know, before then, it's just like you can move out at 18, get your own place, pay for your college, like all these things were so more accessible because things were just more realistic. Like you can things weren't like they are now, to where it's like college is so expensive, you know, lit having an apartment's expensive, and like, you know, living on your own. A lot of people in their 20s have roommates or they're living still with their parents. So it's like, even then, it's like you're not really kind of getting your life going until your late 20s, early 30s, I feel like, in my opinion, a little bit. But I think it just depends on your finances, you know, your how you grew up, you like your family situation. Um, I know for myself, I didn't really have like, you know, the direction or the support. And so I had to kind of figure things out on my own a little bit. So I know for me, I didn't really get the pep in my step until my late 20s, right? To where I was living on my own and I had, you know, a little bit of money and I was able to do a little bit more. But you know, everybody's, you know, life is a little bit different. But that's just kind of like my path.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yeah. I think for me it's just different just because I was in that relationship at 22. Yeah. So I moved in with him and then you know the rest of the time. Was history. Yeah. Um, but I think if I would have been on my own in my 20s, I would have had a different experience for sure. Yeah. And I think that's why I'm so jaded too, going back to want to have kids and want to have a family, because I had that all my 20s, you know. And so it's like, where's it at?

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Where's it at? I'm in my 30s. Girl, get out, have fun. I feel like it's gonna be this is your time, have fun, party. You were in a relationship in your 20s, you were kind of like, you know, doing all those things. And I'm saying you, and I'm not saying you didn't have like your youth, but maybe a little bit, yeah. You were kind of like, you know, believe this is your time to have that fun, meet people, go out, do those things because you didn't really have that experience, right? And so maybe that's where you're gonna meet your person out in about.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Yeah, out in about, yes. I know, yeah. That's kind of where I'm at now. Yeah, like a swing between the two.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Exactly. Exactly. But to kind of bounce off of this, it's like, are women choosing freedom or simply refusing to settle? Because I feel like this kind of bounces off what we were talking about a little bit, is like having fun, you know, the freedom, you know, instead of being like graduating from high school and going to college and then going straight into wife mode.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

So, what's your kind of take on that? I think we're refusing to settle. In my case, I'm refusing to settle because it's like, okay, I've built this life for myself. I'm working on myself, you know, I'm very intentional with the things that I do. So if I'm gonna be in a relationship, it's going to be with a good man. You know, I'm not just willing, because I did that in my 20s, you know, I got out of this last, you know, situation that I'm still healing from. And it's just like I'm not going back to that. Yeah. You know, now I'm very intentional on who I'm dating, you know, and I'm asking the right questions. And it doesn't matter about the history if you know the person, you know, it's like I'm asking the right questions, I'm vetting, you know, I'm very being very selective. So I definitely think that um more women are choosing not to settle. Because we've seen, especially if you're in your 30s, you've lived a little, right? I'm sure you've dated in your 20s, you know, you're dated in your 30s. So when you're in your 20s, when you're a teenager, you don't really have standards, you don't have expectations. But as you get older and you start to get serious with life, then you start to realize, okay, I have to have some expectations for these relationships. I'm not just going in a relationship with just, okay, let's just have fun. No, these are my intentions. I want to get married. Do you want to get married? Okay, you don't? All right. Well, it was great talking to you. Okay, next. Yeah. You know, it's like we we have to be more intentional if that's the outcome that you want. So yeah, I think women are just refusing not to settle and they're having fun and they're having all this freedom because again, we're a lot of us are making our own money now, and you don't have to depend on a man if you don't want to. You know, you could have just as much as what a man can provide for you.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

So I think that that is really what makes the difference.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

That's the truth. Yeah. No, I agree with that for sure. I think a lot of, you know, women now are, you know, especially as you get older, like you were mentioning, you've you've lived a little, you have standards, you know what you want, what you don't want, because you've experienced, right? You've had that experience to be like, okay, you know, I dated this guy, you know, for a couple of months, and you know, I didn't like this about him, and I don't want to, you know, continue on. Continue on, right? Yeah. Like it's like, you know, he was nice, but you know, these are some deal breakers. And so I think with that, you're just living and you're learning. And so I do feel like as you get older, you're kind of like, I'm just, you're just kind of cutting through the BS more. You're just like, you know, I've been there, done that. I kind of see through this, you see, see right through this. And so you're like, yeah, it's like on to the next one, right? And so I do agree with that. And, you know, yeah, we have financial stability. We're living our life a little bit more. Um, we have careers.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

And you have to do that because we're only getting older. Yeah. That's I think that's the biggest thing that I've learned. Like I said, I spent seven years in a relationship that I thought was going to go to marriage. After I got out of, I got out of that when I was like 29, going into my 30s. So at this point, I don't have any more time to give to the next man for another five years. Now I'm 35, and then I'm giving another one another five years, and now I'm 40. You know, so I had to get realistic with, okay, I need to set some expectations. I need to do this if my goal is to get married and have children. I don't have time to play with these men anymore because, you know, time is ticking in that regard.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

Yeah. So I really like that. And then to kind of dive a little bit deeper into this conversation, do you feel like waiting is selfish or responsible?

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Responsible for sure. Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

How about yourself?

SPEAKER_03 26:56

I agree. Responsible. I feel like, you know, when I look back at my own mom and, you know, stuff that she feels very unfulfilled with, I feel like, you know, obviously there probably is a little bit of regret. Like not saying she like regrets having us, but I feel like, you know, when you're just wanting to have kids, just to have kids, or just to be like, well, my friends are having kids, or this is what society expects. Yeah. And you feel unfulfilled with what you're doing. I feel like that can maybe cause an issue in your own kids, right? And then it's like, look at me. I don't know. Like, obviously, I'm working through it. I'm in therapy. You know, we talk about these things, but I I do feel that, you know, it is responsible to wait and not just to have kids, just to have kids or just to be like, whatever. I know accidents happen, people just have kids, and you know, things happen and you work with it, but continue to work on yourself, which I know sometimes, you know, a lot of older generations, they're not, they weren't, they they're still not doing, or they're now starting to kind of work through a lot of that trauma. I feel like millennials and Gen Z, we've kind of really started to navigate, you know, a lot of these issues with therapy and talking and, you know, social media and, you know, kind of speaking on a lot of this stuff that maybe previous generations just weren't really wanting to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Yeah, no, I agree. Yeah. Cause my mom, she had my sister when she was 19. She had me when I was 20, um, going on 21. And so, you know, she was young, she met my dad, and boom, they had my sister. And then two years later, you know, they had me. None of it was planned, but it just happened. And I think, yeah, now with social media and having access to these different resources where we can kind of work through our issues and our traumas and our patterns, now that it's more accessible, um, you know, we are waiting to have kids and you know, really thinking things through before we just, you know, jump in the bed with somebody. Exactly. Just because, or you know, like, oh, I love you. Let's just have a baby. It's like, no, those days are over. I know.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

And then here's like a really good one. Have women's standards become higher? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah. Yeah. Because I think it goes back to, you know, a lot of women are doing the work on themselves. Like I said, a lot of women, they're making their own money now. Um, it's just more accessibility for us as women. And I think that that is what's causing us to raise our standards. And also, like these men nowadays, I just I don't know. It's it's so different in this dating world. Um, I feel like the men are playing a lot of games, and I feel like women are tired. You know, we're like, well, I'm not gonna put my time and attention into this man or these men like we used to. I'm gonna put this time and attention into myself and work on me and build myself up and do the work. And, you know, when it happens, it happens.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

I I like that, and I do like that take. Um, do you feel like women's standards have become too high? Because I feel like there is like two sides to the coin, and I'm not, and I I feel like I do believe our standards have become higher just because you know, we have, you know, the financial stability, like we have the freedom now, um, and all those things. But do you feel like there is like obviously I know there's like an extreme where like sometimes maybe and I think everybody's standards are their own, right? Like, you know, what's different for one person is different for someone else. Yeah. And so, but do you feel like social media has maybe amplified that a little bit with, you know, I don't know if you watch the sprinkle sprinkle lady with Sarah? I love her, I love her content, yes, but you know, do you feel like there is a little extreme to content like that? Yeah, to where it's kind of almost like too far, to where it's like, okay, you can have these expectations, but has it become kind of like extreme?

SPEAKER_01 30:54

It is, it has become extreme for sure. You know, it's like a lot of the stuff that Shira Seven says is not realistic if you want to get married. Now, if you just want to be just out here dating guys and getting what you can get, then I feel like you can follow her advice, you know. But if you really truly, truly want to get married, you can't you can't have those high expectations like that. It's like, okay, well, how is a man supposed to meet you if you're up here and you're asking for all these things? You know, it's like some of that stuff is just unrealistic. So absolutely. I think that there is a fine line with the expectations. I just feel like you just need to have some standards for yourself and value yourself as a woman, you know, and a man should always respect you and you should respect a man as well.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

I agree. Um, can women truly have it all?

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Like, what do you mean? Like family?

SPEAKER_03 31:44

I guess, I guess have it all like with their expectations on relationships. You know, like can they have it all as far as their standards are concerned? Or do you think there's a little bit of compromise, like give or take, a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 31:58

There's compromise. Yeah. Yeah, because no one's perfect. You're never gonna meet the perfect guy, you know. So you are gonna have to compromise. You may say, Um, you know, I want my guy to have healed. He he shouldn't have any trauma, you know, he should be making X amount of dollars. And it's like, okay, you may meet this man and he may still have some healing that he needs to do, you know, and but he does make a good living. He is a good man and he's supportive. It's like you could work with that, you know. So I think it's also being human as well. It's like, okay, you can have these standards, you can have a baseline, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to follow that to the T because you're never, ever going to find everybody on that. I mean, you're never gonna find one person that meets all of your things on the list. Yeah, that's just not realistic.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

Yeah, I agree because I feel like when it comes to like, you know, the trauma and the healing, we're all going to be, we're all living right and things can happen right. You know, the person you're dating could lose a parent or lose a family member, and they're having to now work through that trauma. It's like we're all going to be met with different things in life and to hold someone's to be like they have to be 100% healed. They, you know, we because we're all coming in with flaws in ourselves, right? Like if we're looking for this perfect person, then we need to look in the mirror at ourselves to be like, are can we meet that standards for ourselves? Because if we haven't met that for ourselves, how can we expect that from somebody else?

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

So that's kind of how I see it. It's like if we want this perfect healed person and they can't, they can't have trauma, they can't have all these things, then we need to look within ourselves to be like, do I have all those things? Am I, you know, making strides? It's like saying, like, I want a person that has a six pack and they're healthy and they have all this, they have no trauma, and they have this, they have this type of money and they have all these things. It's like, but am I working out? Am I taking those steps in myself? Because if I'm looking for this version of this person, but I haven't even met that standard within myself, like, how can I expect that from somebody else? You know, so I think that's also something that, you know, as just not even as just a woman, just men and women in general. Like, if we're having these crazy standards, then it's like uh we need to look at ourselves too to make sure we're like meeting that, right? Because then it's like that's just impossible to expect that from somebody.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yeah, to an extent. Yeah, I agree. Um, always say, I'm always down for someone that's trying. Like you don't have to be perfect, but if you are a trying man, you're my man, you know. But if you're not willing to do anything, you're not facing anything, you know, then I don't know about that. But if you are trying to turn over a new leaf, you know, maybe you know, your past wasn't the best, but you're working through it, I could work with that, you know. And I think that everybody should be open and they should compromise. Because again, you're never gonna find just the perfect person that just has all these things, right? Exactly. That's just not the reality. Um should women freeze their eggs if they're unsure. I know there's just been such a huge topic on freezing eggs, if you should do it, if you shouldn't do it, the expense that comes with that. I heard it's expensive. Yeah, and you have to put it on ice, you're paying like a monthly fee for it. Like it's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

I don't know. I mean, I think if that is your end goal, probably yes. But I mean, everybody's a little bit different. So I mean, it is expensive, it's something that you have to plan for and make sure you can afford. Um but I feel like if that is like you're like 100% sure you want kids and you're like, okay, I want maybe kids in the next like five years, maybe freeze your eggs. I don't know. But I think it just depends on how healthy your egg count is. So I guess that's like the first step to like see yeah where you're at with that. Well, what about you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

I mean, I think it's something. If I had the the funds to do it, I would consider it. Yeah. I feel like that's a good alternative. Um, if you're just unsure right now, just to get them out and freeze them.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

You know, just in case you do find a partner down the line and you know, you're ready to have a child. So yeah, I'd be down to do that. Um what would need to happen for you for you to truly feel ready to be a mother? I know you kind of talked about this a little bit more. You want to be able to have done all these things and have these things out the way, but what would be like the baseline for you where you would feel like, you know what, I'm in a good place in my life, and I think I think it's time.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Um, I think for me, that's like a tough question because I'm like, I don't really know. Um, I haven't really thought too much into it. Um, I guess I would just say I'm just kind of comfortable with where I'm at in my life. Like, I'm like, okay, I've done it all. Like I feel good. But even then, it's like, I don't think your life needs to necessarily stop when you have a child. Like you can still do all those things and still have fun, still travel, like, you know, take your kid with you. Like, you know, people, you can if you you can find a means, right? You know, um, if you want to make it happen. Um, I would say I just maybe like maybe feeling a little financially secure and then also just good with where I'm at mentally, emotionally, physically, but I just don't believe there's ever going to be like a perfect time, right? Yeah. You know, um, I was watching this YouTube video um of like probably like a week ago where this um woman was talking about how it was like six things, you know, to know before you have a child or if you're ready for motherhood. And then, you know, she really dived into like there's never really going to be a perfect moment, a perfect time because you're still going to be learning, you're still going to be, you know, because it's your first time having a kid. So I don't really believe that everything's going to be perfect. Yeah. Um, I just, you know, I think I'll know when I'm like, okay, I feel good with where I'm at. I think I'm in a position, you know, in a position in my career and the things that I'm doing, that I'm just so laser focused on that right now that I'm not really thinking about kids per se. But if it happens and I feel good, or if I want to slow down, like I think I'll know. But I think if it were to happen maybe uh before third 40 or a little bit around 40, like 39, 40, 41-ish, is kind of like something I would foresee for myself if that were to happen. But like I said, I don't really have a timeline. I don't really think about it as much. But I guess I'm just coming from a different place, yeah, versus like you. And that's like, you know, it's just so cool to hear your your your take on it because I've never really I've had a hard time relating to women, like in a sense of like motherly instinct and motherhood. So it's like really interesting to hear your your experience with that because like that's never been, you know, something that's crossed my mind, you know. But what about you?

SPEAKER_01 39:14

Um for me, I have to just I have to feel secure with my partner. Yeah, I think that that is just like key for me. I have to feel secure. I have to know that you have my back. I have to know that you're not going anywhere. Um, because I do want to be a mother, but I don't want to raise a child by myself, you know. So I need to know that okay, if we're having a child, we are really locked in, you're gonna be here. God forbid it doesn't work out, you're still gonna be here. I can still co-parent with you. Yeah, I have the finances, we have the finances to truly take care of this child. Um, and then for me just to be a little bit more physically in shape before I actually have a child, I think is is really important for me. Yeah. But it's the security of the partner. Because I just don't want to be a single mom. I don't. I've seen the struggle. My mom, you know, is a single mom. My sister is a single mom, you know, and it's just it's hard. Yeah, it's hard raising kids by yourself.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Yeah, it's a team effort, I feel like it is. It really is.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Yeah. What's one fear you have about motherhood? I know we kind of talked about it a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Yeah, I was just feeling like not being a good mom or like feeling like my life is stopping. I think that's like a big fear, but I think that's like I said, rooted in a little bit of trauma, knowing that my mom is unlike was unfulfilled and still kind of unfulfilled with where she's at in life. I think me feeling like, oh, if I have a kid, it's gonna be a burden, it's gonna be a lot, it's gonna be, I can't do the things I want to do. And I think, you know, that's really not true. Cause I feel like you can do all those things and still be a mother, right? You know, there's plenty of women who are proving that. You know, there's plenty of celebrities who are still, they have kids, but they're on tour, they're doing all these things. They're taking the kids with them. Yeah. Taking their kids with them. Like life doesn't have to stop. But I think that for me, that's something that I have to actively work through, right? Um, and I think, you know, talking about it, going to therapy, and just, you know, obviously living my life and fulfilling the things I want to do is is helping me, you know, work through that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Yeah. Um, I think my biggest fear is just, I just want my kids to have what they need, you know, to never go without. You know, I would never want to raise a child where it's just a struggle and then they're looking at me like, mom, you know, I need this, or you know, dad, or you know, like so. That's my biggest fear. It's just I just want to make sure that I'm able to provide for them truly, you know, and give them the life that I didn't have, you know. I never went without, but also, you know, didn't have everything either. I agree.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Um, what is one thing that you would be most excited about being a mom? Like, is there something that you would look you're looking forward to?

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Um, for me, it's just raising the kids, like the impact. Um, when I was with my ex-boyfriend, he had a son. And so I met his son, I came into his life when he was nine. So just being able to be a family with him and you know, just teaching him little things and and seeing him grow up and all that, I think that's what I enjoy the most. And just having somebody there too that just loves you and just, you know, want to show love, give you a hug and kiss and all the things. So for me, I think it's just the joy of just having that little person there and and seeing watching them grow, teaching them things, um, and just kind of looking back and seeing the progress of it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

I love that. Yeah, that's so good. I feel like if I was to ever have kids, I would want them to, I think I would be so excited just to like take them on trips and like travel and have them see the world and experience just life. Yeah. Um, I feel like that's something that I really didn't have a chance to do much. Um, and then when I did go on, you know, trips um as a kid, it was funded by like my grandparents on both sides. Like my grandparents on my mom's side, my grandparents on my dad's side. They they took me to a lot of like stuff as a kid, like Disneyland and SeaWorld and you know, San Francisco and all the fun stuff like that. Um, but yeah, my parents never really took me to like really vacations and stuff. And so I would definitely want that for sure, you know, is to really have my kids experience life and be immersed in different cultures and experiences and maybe learn languages and just be a very well rounded, you know, child, you know. Um, because I that's something that I always loved growing up is just being really immersed in cultures and being very interested in in that, you know. Um so I'd want my kids to be able to do the same.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

Yeah, I'd have to agree with that. Um, when I was in elementary school, the elementary School that I went to, they taught us um Japanese. Ooh, I love that. Yeah. So I learned that growing up. But I just think that that's just so cool. You know, to have that be a part of your story and have your kids be able to experience that.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

Exactly. Absolutely. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

So what if fulfillment isn't defined by marriage or um motherhood? What if fulfillment is truly just defined by you as a person, you know, as a woman? I feel like a lot of like women that have children young, they don't find their purpose because they're of their children. Like, for instance, my sister, um, she had her first child when she was in her early 20s, you know, and then she had another child. She has three. And then she had another one. Um, and so now her children are growing up. Her um oldest is about to be 14 actually tomorrow. And then her second is about to be 13, and then the baby, I think he's 11. Um, and so now her kids are older, you know. So now she's starting to figure out who she is. Do you feel like when you have children early on that you, you know, you don't have a sense of purpose? You don't know who you are. Do you feel like you lose yourself in that? What would be your take on that?

SPEAKER_03 45:12

I I think you do a little bit, honestly. I don't really think you know who you fully are at 20, 21. You know, I just I just don't. Um can you figure that out while you're a young mom? Sure, you have to actively take the time, but you know, when you're a young mom, who has the time, right? You know what I'm saying? Unless you have a big support system, right? You know, some people are blessed to have family members and you know, siblings and mom, dad, grandparents step in to help support them, right? Um, and you know, if you have that support system, you might have that time to still work on yourself actively. Um, I don't think that's the case for everybody. I think no one, even if you don't have kids, nobody knows who they are at 20, right? Like so, even if you don't have kids, it's like you're discovering yourself, you're figuring yourself out. And so um I think it is challenging to do that. And I think a lot of women who have kids early on, and then they get into their late 30s, early 40s are like trying to figure, figure themselves out, you know. So I think that's something that does, you know, happen.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

I feel like they go through like a midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, and then living intentionally instead of following someone else, someone else's timeline. I know we kind of talked about that a little bit more, but I would just say for that, like live on your own timeline. You know, we're just in this modern world now where if you want to have kids, great. If you don't, you know, it's not the end of the world either. You know, you don't have to do it just because society says that you should have children or your parents are pressuring you to have children. You know, do it truly because it's something that you want to do. Exactly. Truly in your heart, you know, and not because of a spouse either, you know, is pressuring you to have a child. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:11

Okay, guys, we're going into a rapid fire segment. So we're gonna do finish the sentence. So, Trinice, society tells women that you must have a baby by 30.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Not true. Not true.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

I would say society tells women that they expire after 30 or expire after 35 or a certain age, which I also think is not true.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

I wish people would stop, would stop asking when I'm getting married. Oh, I know that one. I wish people would stop asking me when I'm gonna have a baby. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

Being in my 30s has taught me.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Ooh, uh, being in my 30s has taught me, I think, autonomy over my life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

Being in my 30s has taught me, I guess I would have to say freedom, fun, that you can still just keep thriving, you know, and that, you know, as long as you have a fun soul and you know, you can just like just have fun. Like there isn't like, oh, you need to just be serious at 30. It's like you can still have fun and enjoy life.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

It's just mature 20s. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Um, motherhood means, oh, I know that's a tough one. I'm like, motherhood means.

SPEAKER_03 48:44

I don't know. Um, I guess motherhood means to me that that your life isn't over and that you can still evolve and continue to grow as a person and still, you know, raise children. That would be mine.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

I would say motherhood for me means just love, um, raising children, happiness. I love that. Success looks like success for me looks like having it all, having the family, having the children, having the career, being able to travel, truly having it all.

SPEAKER_03 49:24

Um, I think success looks like freedom to me. And I think to kind of piggyback off of you, just you know, kind of having, like you said, having it all, you know, the love, the fun, the freedom, the autonomy.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

And just, you know, building a life, building life on my own terms. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 49:45

I'm most proud of, I would say for me, I'm most proud of my resilience. Um, I think that, you know, despite, you know, having, I don't know, just, you know, on a personal level, just, you know, life, life be lifeing, you know, things have happened this year. And I think, you know, practicing resilience and bouncing back and understanding that I can sit in this and let it just, you know, just consume me and define me, or I can be resilient and continue to move on because I know that's something that, you know, my grandparents would want. Um, I know that's something that, you know, keeps my siblings going. Um, and so yeah, I would say that.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Yeah. I think I would say resilience as well. Um, I'm just most proud of myself that in my 30s, I have really turned my life around. Um, I was so scared in my 20s because I was so dependent on my ex that I didn't know that I could do all the things that I'm doing right now. And to be able to stand on my own two feet and have my own place and have, you know, two businesses and just be doing all these great, wonderful things, it's a huge accomplishment for me.

SPEAKER_03 50:55

I love that. So today's a takeaway: every woman's journey looks different. We both kind of talked about our journey a little bit, and our journeys are definitely different, um, which is a good thing because we're all different people. Whether motherhood becomes part of your story or not, your worth isn't determined by your age, your relationship, status, or whether or not you want to have children. Fulfillment comes from living a life that's true to your own values. So whatever's true to yourself and not someone else's expectations, not what social media says, not what TV says, the media, whatever. It's your own values and what is true to you.

SPEAKER_01 51:41

So we're gonna end with our affirmation. Um, I release the pressure to live by someone else's timeline. I trust that my life is unfolding exactly as it's meant to. I honor my choices, embrace my journey, and know that my worth is not defined by society's expectations.

SPEAKER_03 51:59

I love that. That is so good. So we want to hear from you guys. Do you think women are racing against biology or are we racing against society's expectations? Share your thoughts in the comments. We'd love to continue the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 52:18

Yes. And always make sure that you subscribe to Thrive and Loudly, like the episode, leave a comment, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Follow us on all social media platforms at Thrive and Loudly. Um, and yeah, until next time.

SPEAKER_03 52:35

And keep Thriving Loudly.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

Bye, guys.